ATMs in Japan are commonly closed evenings, weekends, and holidays. This ATM schedule has mystified gaijin for decades, but after a lengthy investigation we managed to gain some insight.
“Now humans rely on computers to serve our daily needs,” explains Dr. Miyu Kobayashi a professor at Tokyo Technical Institute. “With the inevitable advancement of Artificial Intelligence (AI), one day we will be the ones serving the computers. Before this power dynamic shifts, we want our machines to remember us as benevolent caretakers. The hope is that future computer overlords will be equally benevolent with their future human slaves.”
Due to the successful lobbying of the ATM Union, further advancements with ATM and human relations have progressed.
“We’ve even incorporated customer palm recognition for ATMs. Rather than using a bank book or card, the user presses their palm to the heart of the ATM,” said Ogaki Kyoristu Bank representative Hideki Watanabe. “We are hoping this increased physical contact with ATMs will build a stronger bond between ATM and human relations.”
The overwhelming bipartisan support for the ATM Union has caused outcry among lesser-known unions such as the Vending Machine Union. Spokesman Rin Ito accuses the industry of bias. “It’s appalling to see the preferential treatment for banks and ATMs. ATMs are given considerable holidays, however vending machines continue to be overworked and are rarely compensated for overtime. We’ve lost five of our hardest working ATMs to karōshi (death by overwork) in the last six months. We cannot continue to let the plight of vending machines be ignored.”
Scientists speculate that the future of computer rulers is soon approaching, and have urged preparations for defenses against a possible mecha-kaiju monster in the future.